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Communicating Appropriately

08-The Keys to Powerful Communication

Appropriate communication is a major key to success in the marketplace. When you meet a new group of people, you must watch and listen and be alert before you decide on the appropriate communication style. You might greet old friends with a slap on the back and a tasteless joke, but you certainly wouldn’t greet a multimillion-dollar business opportunity that way.

You must take a few moments to study the temperament of your audience. Listen to how they communicate with each other. Watch how they react to situations and comments. Study your audience, lest you engage in some behavior that will prove inappropriate and costly.

Some people could make a hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, but they have to satisfied with fifty thousand dollars because their behavior is costing them the additional income. They’ve got the skills, but their behavior is costing them too much. It keeps setting them back.

Let’s consider some of those things in the marketplace that might cost you more than you want to pay. Here’s one: bad language. You’ve got to be careful with language in the marketplace. Some language is more appropriate for a smoky bar. So what should you do? Leave it in the bar. Otherwise, you’ll have to pay the consequences.

We must all be students of consequences. We need to be aware of things that cost us. And bad language in the marketplace is one of the most important ones to consider.

If you cuss and tell dirty stories in the marketplace, who would find that amusing? Other people in the marketplace who cuss and tell dirty stories. You’ll have no problem with these people. As a matter of fact, they’ll probably enjoy having you around! But if you cuss and tell dirty stories to those who might be offended, they certainly won’t want to have you around. It will cost you a lot.

You’ve also got to be careful about using inside jargon in the outside world. Your industry’s buzzwords are unique to your industry. Be careful not to use this terminology on the outside. For instance, people who speak computer language must learn to shift gears when they go out into the marketplace. We all need to watch our jargon and remember to shift gears from the inside lingo to the outside world.

Here’s another costly communication error: expressing your emotion inappropriately. We must learn to deliver criticism and express our anger in a safe way.

During the course of working with others, it’s inevitable that you’ll come across some situation that will result in anger. Or you’ll find that criticism needs to be expressed. When you delegate responsibility, if there is either a lack of good communication or a lack of good listening on the other end, it’s inevitable that the situation will get you all hot and bothered.

What do you do with your anger? You can’t lash out at your children, your friends, or your colleagues. But here’s what you can and must do: lash out at the problem or the situation.

“Honey,” you say to your teenager. “You know I love you, but what you did was wrong. I hate it that you took the car without asking first. And I especially hate it that you got a speeding ticket. What were you thinking?” Whatever the punishment might be, make sure you’re addressing the bad deed, not the person.

Let’s say your assistant has sent the contract to the seller instead of the buyer. Make sure your assistant know that you appreciate him, but you don’t appreciate the wrongdoing.

Whatever criticism you hand down, whatever anger you’re expressing, make sure that the one receiving it knows full well that you care about him but hate what he did. If you’re too steamed up to be this rational about it, make sure you keep your mouth closed until you’ve cooled off a bit.

In his book The Leader in You, Dale Carnegie describes the attributes of kind criticism using the three-for-one rule. He explains, “If you don’t like something about the way someone works, write down the problem. But before you confront that person with criticism, discover three good things about the person. Noticing three good things give you the right to criticize one bad thing.” That’s an interesting approach: criticism after appreciation.

With well-chosen and well-delivered words, you can admonish the doing without admonishing the doer. This is important. You love the person. You hate the act. Make sure he or she knows the difference. You don’t have to couch the words. You don’t have to hide your anger or disappointment, but you do have to make sure that your communication is effective so the wrongdoing will never be done again.

The more you care, the stronger you can be. It’s simply a matter of communicating appropriately.

* Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn

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