Courage plays a variety of important roles in human relationships. First, you need courage to initiate new connections and overcome the fear of rejection. Second, you need courage to intimately connect with people. Third, you need courage to face the truth about relationships that have gone awry. And finally, you need courage to end those relationships that no longer serve you.
If you want to bring new relationships into your life, don’t wait for others to come to you. You must take the initiative. In the long run, waiting causes too many missed opportunities and leads to regret.
Dealing with rejection and occasional embarrassment is a small price to pay for the rich rewards of human relationships. Your imagination may transform such fear into a fire-breathing dragon, but in reality, it’s nothing but a puny imp guarding a massive treasure, easily defeated once you finally decide to face it down. The biggest risks are missing out on laughs you never shared, people you never helped, and the potential partner you sentenced to solitude. That’s way too high a price for avoiding a little harmless rejection or embarrassment. In the long run, you probably won’t regret the connections you made that didn’t work out; you’ll regret the ones you never made, forever wondering what might have been.
From time to time, stop and ask the heart question with respect to your relationships: Does this relationship have a heart? Then consciously decide which ones you want to maintain, which you want to deepen, and which you want to break off. Don’t settle for a life filled with shallow, empty interaction. Go for deep connections, and ensure your life is filled with plenty of heart.
One of the most difficult challenges involves confronting a relationship that has gone sour. Negative emotions such as sadness, resentment, anger, guilt, and worry make the risk seem much greater. If you find yourself facing such a situation, trust the principle of truth, love, and power to guide you. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner, and honestly share your thoughts and feelings. When you do so, focus on sharing the truth of what you feel instead of jumping to conclusions or placing blame. To ensure you’re speaking the truth, use first-person sentences: I feel… I believe… I’m concerned that… This normally creates much less resistance in the other person than second-person sentences: You said… You made me… You always…
When discussing relationship problems with your partner, don’t hold back. Speak your truth, regardless of what you think the consequences will be. Don’t be surprised if the other person responds defensively at first. Just keep talking and listening, and do your best to work through the defensiveness. Make it clear that you’re seeking truth, and ask your partner to share a similar commitment.
You may find that aligning yourself with truth, love, and power requires that you end a relationship. If your partner is leading you away from a principle-centered life and is unwilling or incapable of correcting that problem, you’re better off leaving. Free yourself to enjoy a new connection that increases your alignment with truth, love, and power. When you end a relationship, be direct, honest, compassionate, and strong. Speak your truth, and let the cards fall where they will. There’s no dishonor in ending something (including a long-term marriage) that doesn’t fulfill you. You have every right to pursue your own happiness.
Don’t confuse the question of whether or not you should leave with your prospects for a new relationship. If it’s clear that your current situation is leading you astray, end it. Once you’re on your own again, you’ll have the opportunity to attract a new partner. It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to accurately assess your chances of entering a new relationship while you’re still clinging to your old one. Everyone around you will perceive you as unavailable, so you won’t be able to get a clear sense of where you stand until you’ve already moved on.
Since all human relationships are impermanent, live with the awareness that every one of your current connections will eventually end. Take the time to appreciate them while they last, and don’t take them for granted. Even when a relationship ends in death, it can still continue in your thoughts. The memories of loving relationships can become your most sacred treasures.
* Source: Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina