9.4 Recognize that tough love is both the hardest and the most important type of love to give (because it is so rarely welcomed).
The greatest gift you can give someone is the power to be successful. Giving people the opportunity to struggle rather than giving them the things they are struggling for will make them stronger.
Compliments are easy to give but they don’t help people stretch. Pointing out someone’s mistakes and weakness (so they learn what they need to deal with) is harder and less appreciated, but much more valuable in the long run. Though new employees will come to appreciate what you are doing, it is typically difficult for them to understand it at first; to be effective, you must clearly and repeatedly explain the logic and the caring behind it.
a. Recognize that while most people prefer compliments, accurate criticism is more valuable.
You’ve heard the expression “no pain no gain.” Psychologists has shown that the most powerful personal transformations come from experiencing the pain from mistakes that a person never wants to have again—known as “hitting bottom.” So don’t be hesitant to give people those experiences or have them yourself.
While it is important to be clear to people about what they are doing well, it is even more important to point out their weaknesses and have them reflect on them.
Problems require more time than things that are going well. They must be identified and understood and addressed, while things that are running smoothly require less attention. Instead of celebrating how great we are, we focus on where we need to improve, which is how we got to be so great.
* Source: Principles by Ray Dalio