The skills of leadership are required at work, yes. But they’re also required at home, with our families, in the community, in education. I (Jim Rohn) call leadership the challenge to be something more than mediocre–a step up to a new challenge, a new opportunity.
What are some of the skills involved in raising a good, solid family? Communication is number one. Every member of the family has to know that he or she has a voice and that his or her voice is respected. Every person in the family has to know that his or her opinion counts, that the family is a democracy. If there’s an issue, they can put it on the table. And that’s what’s so important about the dinner table. It’s not just a place for the evening meal, it’s a place to bring forth all the issues, to talk about the day, to share experiences, to ask questions and hope for answers. You can accomplish all that and more around the dinner table.
In today’s society, there are a lot of broken homes–divorced parents who share custody of the kids. How do you raise good, solid kids when they’re split between two households? Make sure the child-rearing philosophies in both households are compatible. Obviously, each parent’s values are different. That’s why the home is split. But parents who are facing this kind of challenge need to put away their personal differences and develop one set of philosophies by which to raise the kids. Why? Because if they don’t, the kids will be a mess, with one set of rules for one house, and another set of rules for another house. The kids will grow up confused as to what’s right and what’s wrong.
Regardless of how your household is set up, make sure that communication plays a vital role. Everybody needs a voice. Everybody has to be heard. And everybody has to acknowledge that everyone else’s voice counts. That’s number one: communication.
Here’s number two in raising a solid family: activity. There was a study done a while back that surveyed a large group of happy families. And here’s what they all had in common. First, they made a regular habit of eating dinner together as often as possible. Second, they were all involved in one physical activity or another together–walks, tennis, swimming, basketball. They planned family physical fitness activities. Third, they made a regular habit of spending Sunday mornings in church. And the fourth common denominator among successful families? The parents scheduled quality, personal time together. Alone.
Why would the parents’ personal time affect the entire family so dramatically? Because when the parents are happy with each other, and invest in each other, they present a unified front to the kids. Personal time together is important.
Outside activity is also important. Activities such as planned outings, bike rides in the summer, ski trips in the winter, boating, fishing, trips to the zoo, frisbee in the yard, baseball, basketball… whatever outside interests your family has, make sure to schedule them on a regular basis.
And schedule inside activities as well. Regularly do things together at home. If you have a young family that is used to plopping down in front of the TV during every spare moment, start weaning them off this activity one day a week. Plan an evening each week without the TV. During this time, read together, work on household projects together, go through the family picture albums and videos together, plan vacations together.
Start a family journal. Write in it once a week. Record what you did, where you went, who you saw, how you felt. Family journals are a wonderful way of tracking the growth of your family and the growth of your kids. When you look back on these family journals, you’ll find they’re among the greatest treasures you have.
There’s another fun way to log the history of your family. A friend of mine tells me that when she was a kid, one of three children in a family full of sibling rivalry, her parents used to hide a tape recorder under the dining room table every so often. They would tape the family dinner conversation.
Those kids get together now and have a great time with the tapes. They’re grown now, but when they go back and listen to scenes from their upbringing, it has a way of rekindling the family bond.
Here’s the third most important key to raising a strong, healthy family with bonds that will last a lifetime: a spiritual connection. Your beliefs are your own, and whether or not you call God the power behind our existence is entirely up to you. But whatever your faith, whatever your beliefs, share them with your family. Share them with your children. Make time, frequently, to discuss the spiritual aspects of your life. Give your kids the opportunity of choice by giving them a basis of knowledge.
There are all sorts of wonderful programs at churches these days. Aside from the Sunday sermon that’s so valuable, there’s Sunday School for kids, Vacation Bible School, camping trips, family outings, weekly Bible studies, picnics, plays, musicals, and concerts. If you’re searching for a new church, visit several churches to find out which one is right for you.
There are many things you can do with your family to build strong bonds and healthy relationships. The tips I gave you are just a few. You may have other ideas, and that’s great. Just remember that the more energy you expend on your family, the more time and attention you give to your family, the more love and attention you’ll receive in return. Your children will love you unconditionally when they’re young. Just make sure that when they grow up and know better, you will have given them a reason to continue their unconditional love.
* Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn