To be able to get along well with others, to be able to work well with others, to be able to live well with others, to enhance your rapport with others, you must be a good communicator.
Let me give you some tips on good communication. The first is to have something worth saying. This comes from cultivating your interests, sensitivity, and knowledge. And second, now that you’ve got something worth saying, say it well.
When expressing yourself, keep a few important concepts in mind. Number one is sincerity. The best communication occurs when both people are sincere: one person sincerely wishing to learn or listen, and the other person sincerely wishing to share his thoughts.
The second tip for communication is practice. Part of what I (Jim Rohn) teach in sales training emphasizes practice. Start with something simple. And when you don’t know much about what you’re doing, practice is even more important.
Let’s say you’re in sales and your presentation is not that good. You wander around saying, “You wouldn’t want to buy this, would you?” Maybe if you say that often enough during the day, somebody might say, “Well, maybe I would. What are you selling?” You can’t respond, “Mind your own business.” No, once you open the door, you’ve got to go through it.
Here’s what happens if you practice your sales techniques: you’re bound to make sales. Somebody will say, “What are you selling?”, and you will tell them. Maybe they’ll want to buy what you’re selling.
If you practice, you’ll get better. You’ll get better at your sales presentation. You’ll get better at listening to your prospect. You’ll get better at closing the sale. You’ll get better at earning a living. Practice is just as valuable as the sale, because here’s what is valuable in sales: the skills you cultivate. The sale will make you a living. The skills will make you a fortune.
Practice your presentation and your ability to communicate what you know. The people out there who say, “No, I wouldn’t care for any,” are just as valuable. Why? Because they took the time to let you practice your presentation. When you’re just getting started, you might even want to pay them to listen to you practice while you stumble around. So be thankful for the “no’s.”
Practice helps you develop skills. Skills make your labor more valuable. If you just sell, you can make a living. If you sell skillfully, you can make a fortune. If you just talk, you can hold a family together. If you talk skillfully, you can build dreams and the future. The difference is the degree of skill you possess.
You can cut a tree down with a hammer, but it takes about thirty days. If you trade the hammer for an ax, you can cut the tree down in about thirty minutes. The difference between the thirty minutes and thirty days is the tool. And your best communication tool is your skill, so practice effective communication.
The next concept to consider is brevity. Sometimes you don’t need too much. All you need is just enough.
Here’s what I found out: the more you know, the briefer you can be. You can learn to make words more effective. Jesus was brief when he was putting his team together. He just wandered around the countryside, and every once in a while he would see somebody he wanted on his team and say, “You. Follow me.” That’s short! That’s brief!
Why could Jesus be so brief yet be so effective? Here’s what I think. He was effective because of all that he didn’t have to say. When you become bigger, when you become wiser, when you become stronger, you become a person of better reputation. When you arrive, your reputation has preceded you. You don’t have to say much. You don’t have to launch into a two-hour harangue if your reputation has preceded you. Your reputation will get a lot of the job done before you even arrive.
If you become personally secure, and your reputation precedes you, sometimes you don’t need that many words. And if you pay attention to those you’re talking with, understand their personalities, watch their body language, you may realize that you need to be brief… or you’ll lose them in the first minute.
If you’re talking to a prospective client, and you know he’s a bottom-line kind of guy, be brief. Stick to the point. If he’s in the mood to be overly conversant, then take that cue. If not, stick to the facts.
I know a woman who lives in a suburban area. There are lots of kids selling stuff door-to-door. You should give kids a chance to practice their presentation. After all, this is probably their first experience in sales. So some of the time, this woman will listen to the kids. But other times, she butts right in with, “What are you selling, who’s it for, and how much do you want?” She ends up buying whatever the kid is selling; she just doesn’t have time for the pitch.
After years of this woman’s daughter hearing this, the little girl is out selling Girl Scout cookies for the first time. Her second day out, the girl comes home and her mom asks, “How did you do?” The girl says, “I sold two hundred fifty-six boxes so far.” Mom says, “That’s great! How’d you do it?” The girl says, “Well I figured most of the moms are like you, and I knew I had about two seconds to say my stuff or they’d shut the door on me. So I just smiled, told them my name, said I was selling Girl Scout cookies, and asked them how many boxes they’d like.”
That bottom-line approach can really work. But it may not always be the right one to use. That’s why you’ve got to size up the situation. Read your audience–and read them well–to know the best way to approach them.
Body language tells a lot about which approach to take. Look at how the people you’re talking to are sitting. What are they doing with their hands? Their eyes? If a man has his arms crossed, legs crossed, chin tucked down, and he is frowning, he’s not going to be easy to reach.
If a woman is standing up from behind her desk, you’ve got to hurry. She’s not going to listen to much more. Pick up the pace and get down to it.
Finally, you’ve got to learn to pick up emotional signals. Women just seem to have this part built in. Men can learn it. So learn to read body language and emotions. Learn to read what others are feeling so you can change the way you communicate and get your message across. That’s the way to communicate well.
The next part of expressing yourself well is doing so with style. Be a student of a variety of styles, but make sure you develop your own. You can let someone else influence you, but don’t become them. Develop your own style.
Here’s another tip on expressing yourself: develop your vocabulary. You’ve just got to have a good vocabulary to speak well. If you’re lacking in vocabulary, then you’re lacking in the tools to articulate some problem or idea. Words… you can’t communicate without them. And you can’t communicate well without an extensive vocabulary.
Every time you come across a word that’s new to you, look it up! Every time you’re in a conversation and the other person uses a word that’s new to you, look it up! Of course, most of the time you can figure out the meaning of a new word by how it’s used. But if you can’t, make sure you find out the definition before you use it.
Several years ago, some of my friends took a survey among prisoners as part of a rehabilitation program. They weren’t looking for this information, but here’s what they found: there’s definitely a relationship between vocabulary and behavior. The more limited the vocabulary, the more the tendency to exhibit poor behavior.
When you stop and think about it for a moment, it makes sense. Vocabulary is a way of seeing. It gives us insight. You can’t use tools you don’t have to create understanding, awareness, comprehension, perception, or a vision for yourself. You can only have as much vision as your present vocabulary will give you. And if you’re limited in vocabulary, you can’t see very well. It’s like seeing the world through a tiny little hole.
Vocabulary is also a tool to express what’s going on in your heart, what’s going on in your head. It allows you to say what you see and perceive. If you have a limited way of translating and expressing what’s going on in your mind, you will fall way behind.
You would have twin problems without a good vocabulary. Number one, you wouldn’t be able to see. Number two, you wouldn’t be able to express your thoughts. Your world would keep getting smaller and smaller and smaller without the vision this tool provides. Finally, you wouldn’t need a place much bigger than a jail cell to live. Why? That’s about as big as some people think. That’s all they’ve got, this little narrow world. But with every new word you learn, your world expands. You enhance your ability to perceive and express ideas, and your mind will know no limits.
* Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn