Here is one powerful way to change and grow: cultivate your self-reliance. Take responsibility for your own life. Take responsibility for whatever happens to you. Know that you have consciously made the decisions that are now affecting you. Know that what is happening now, today, is the direct result of what you did yesterday.
Being self-reliant doesn’t mean that you can’t work with or trust others. In fact, it can make you a much more valuable teammate, partner, friend. Self-reliance means counting on yourself. Trusting yourself. Being responsible to yourself. Trusting your own instincts. Trusting the conclusions that you have developed from your study of experiences and philosophies. Taking the credit that is due you. Learning from the mistakes that you have made, and then passing that value on to others.
Gestalt psychologists give an example of being self-reliant. They say that you’re responsible for getting caught in the rain. They say that by deciding not to carry an umbrella every day, you have made the decision to endure an occasional drenching. Translation? By not being prepared, you make the choice of getting caught in some of life’s unpleasant circumstances, by the rain, failures, economic losses, relationship losses, professional losses, or personal losses. By not being prepared, by not thinking ahead, you have made your choice.
Here’s the other side of it. By being prepared, you increase your chances of success. You increase the likelihood of seizing opportunities when they come your way, of being ready within yourself to take advantage of once-in-a-lifetime situations.
Some people tend to blame others for their mistakes and failures. They will say, “It’s not my fault the report isn’t done, so-and-so didn’t do their part.” Of course it’s your fault. It’s your report, too. It’s your responsibility to see that everyone you delegated work to does their part.
You can’t control what others around you do, but it’s in your own enlightened self-interest that you stay on top of things. Especially if those things are going to affect your future.
Do you think your boss cares that John didn’t do his part? Do you think he sees John as the bad guy? Of course not. All he sees is the bottom line: the report isn’t done. Be responsible for the things that affect you.
You can make sure you’re more responsible by checking in with those people who are working with you, the people who make up your team. You can be more responsible by saying, “Hey, John, how are you doing with your part? Do you need some help? Can we put somebody else in here to help you finish?” If John consistently doesn’t handle his part, you’ve got to replace him. If he isn’t doing his share, you’ve got to find somebody who will. Or what? It will negatively affect you! You can’t wake up the morning the project is due hoping and wishing that John has done his part. No, you’ve got to be responsible, because it’s going to affect your career, too.
My (Jim Rohn) approach for a better future very early on in my career was to just go through the day with my fingers crossed. I used to say something like, “I sure hope things will change for the better.” Then I found something out: they’re not going to change unless I change.
It’s the same for you. You can’t put it on someone else. You can’t hope that someone else will change it for you. You need to take responsibility.
You can’t change the circumstances or the seasons or the wind. But you can change your reading habits. You can change whether or not you go for the skills; burn the midnight oil; turn yourself around; multiply your value by two, three, five, or ten. That you have control of.
You don’t have control over the constellations, but you do have control over whether or not you go to night school, take adult classes, and learn some new skills. If you don’t do it, that’s your fault. You’ve got to take personal responsibility. You’ve got to be self-reliant.
* Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn