Relationships are integral in creating your own success and getting where you want to go. But if you’re engaging in any relationships that are holding you back, it’s time to make a decision. In those instances, you have some important options regarding your course of action.
The first option you have is disassociating. You may, after examining your associations, come to the conclusion that there are some people from whom you most need to break away. I (Jim Rohn) am not saying that’s an easy step to take, and it’s not to be taken lightly. However, I am saying it may be an essential task. You may just have to make the hard choice not to let certain negative influences affect you any more. It could be a choice that preserves the quality of your life.
The second action you may want to take is limiting your associations. It could well be that you are spending too much time with a certain group of people.
It’s easy to put time and effort in the wrong place, like the man who spends three hours at the ballgame and thirty minutes listening to the sermon. In my opinion, he is out of balance. That won’t amount to much in five or ten years when he takes a look at his values and his life.
If you’re not careful, you can get trapped into spending heavyweight time with lightweight people. It’s okay to have casual friends, as long as you give them casual time, not serious time. Spend major time with major influences and minor time with minor influences. It’s easy to do just the opposite, but don’t fall into that trap. Maybe all you need to do is merely limit some of your associations, not eliminate them. Say to yourself, “I have a good time with these people, but I’m not going to spend days and days with them anymore. I’m just going to cut that down and save some of that time for more and more major experiences.”
Take a look at your priorities and your values. We have so little time at our disposal. Wouldn’t it make sense to invest it wisely? If you only have a hundred dollars in your pocket, it’s okay to spend twenty at the race track and put eighty into the bank, but I wouldn’t do it in reverse. Better to put the majority of your money where you know you will get a positive return rather than put it where the outcome isn’t very encouraging.
You must be the judge. You must determine whether a particular relationship calls for disassociation or limited association. Whatever you decide, if a relationship isn’t taking you where you want to be in the future, now is the time to fix it.
The third action is the one I most strongly suggest you begin with: expanding your associations. That is, spend more time with the right people. I’m not talking about right and wrong from a moral standpoint, but rather from a consequential standpoint.
Many years ago, Mr. Shoaff said to me, “Mr. Rohn, if you truly wish to be successful, you’ve got to associate with the right people.” Then he said, “It looks like in your present circumstances, you’re going to have to plot and scheme.” And that was true! I had to plot and scheme to get around the right people.
During some of my early attempts, I would park my car a couple of blocks away from the place these people were gathering. I knew that if they saw my car, I’d never get in. On more than one occasion I was asked the question, “How did you get here?” I would respond, “Oh, someone dropped me off.” I played every trick I could think of to get to the right people, but it was worth it.
Here’s what I found: it is possible, for a modest investment, to be win major people. If you had a chance to sit down for an hour or two with a wealthy person, and all you had to do was pick up the lunch tab, wouldn’t that be a bargain? That person might share an idea that could change your life… for the price of a meal!
So find some successful people to help you with your success plan. Find somebody healthy to help with your healthy plan. Find somebody living a unique lifestyle to help with your lifestyle plan. This is association on purpose–getting around the right people by expanding your circle of influence. And when you do that, you will naturally limit the relationships that are holding you back.
* Source: Leading an Inspired Life by Jim Rohn