As you grow into your authority, you’ll gradually develop confidence. I (Steve Pavlina) am not referring to the temporary “Fake it till you make it” boldness that requires you to pump yourself up, such as you might do before asking someone on a date or getting up to speak in front of an audience. I’m referring to a stronger, more deeply held belief in your capabilities, a belief molded by experience and solidly rooted in truth. This kind of confidence cannot be faked.
Real confidence isn’t flashy, cocky, aggressive, or arrogant. It isn’t a feeling of dominance or superiority over others. Nor is it false modesty, self-effacement, or submissiveness. In the words of Kahlil Gibran, “To be modest in speaking truth is hypocrisy.” Real confidence is the deep, soulful recognition of a certain truth, the truth that you’re a powerful being. When you gaze upon your power through the lens of truth, you become naturally confident.
It isn’t easy to acknowledge the truth of our power. Too often we fear our own greatness. We pretend to be powerless, mistakenly thinking that this somehow frees us from the responsibility of power. It’s true that we can deny ourselves access to our own might, but we can never escape complete responsibility for our lives. When we live in denial of this truth, we block ourselves from genuine confidence and settle for temporary boldness at best.
Confidence begins with a resolute commitment to truth. You can’t become genuinely confident by pretending your way into it. To build your confidence, strive to become as honest as possible, both with yourself and others. The more honest you become, the more accurate your model of reality will be. As you perceive reality with increasing accuracy, your decisions will improve, and in turn so will your actions and thereby your results. Accurate beliefs lead to effective results, and confidence is the emotional residue of effectiveness. You feel confident when you can expect positive results from your actions with a high degree of certainty.
Confidence has both short-term and long-term forms. Short-term confidence is the expectation of short-term success. For example, you may feel confident about driving your car today because you’ve driven it so many times before, so it’s reasonable to expect continued success in this area. Long-term confidence is the expectation of long-term success, even though short-term failures may occur. This type of confidence comes from recognizing that failure is an essential part of reaching goals. Although you may not expect to succeed in a new endeavor right away, you feel confident you’ll eventually succeed if you persist.
Don’t bother trying to fake confidence. It’s disingenuous and completely unnecessary. There’s no need to manipulate yourself into a false feeling of certainty when in reality you’re filled with self-doubt. It’s perfectly okay to feel doubtful and still take action. If you simply persist, your uncertainty will eventually fade as you build experience, and you’ll earn the feeling of true confidence instead of having to constantly fake it. If you try something new and really stink at it, simply accept how bad you are without trying to pretend otherwise, and know that you’ll eventually grow beyond this stage. There’s absolutely no dishonor in being a beginner. Beginning is simply the first step toward winning.
* Source: Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina