A common mistake people make when seeking to change entrenched habits is assuming that they must tackle such challenges alone and in private. That simply isn’t true. The principle of love reminds you to take advantage of your ability to connect. Enlist the help of others to dramatically increase your changes of success. Don’t let pride get in the way of results. Reach out and ask for help!
It’s a virtual certainty that other people have already navigated the changes you wish to make in your life. Instead of painstakingly figuring out your own solutions from scratch, take advantage of the collective wisdom of others. Seek out role models who’ve already achieved what you desire, and request advice or mentoring. Look for good books on the subject, and apply what you learn from them. Ask for help and support from friends and family. Find someone to coach you through the process of change, even if you have to pay for their time.
Don’t feel as though you’re imposing on others by asking them for help. They’re always free to say no or to request a fair exchange of value in return, but often they’ll be delighted to help you for free. With just a few minutes of effort on their part, other people can offer you advice that may save you months of wasted effort. Most folks find it very rewarding to provide basic help when requested, especially when they know you’ll apply their suggestions.
You can take this step further by using the power of communion. Consider joining a group of like-minded people who share compatible goals, especially a group that meets at least weekly. Learn from others who are farther along the same path you want to travel. You’ll be overwhelmed by how supportive and encouraging complete strangers can be when you connect with them through such groups.
Strong addictions are rarely overcome without outside help. One of the best solutions is to find someone who has already overcome your addiction, and ask them to mentor you through the process of quitting. People who’ve successfully made such a change know how difficult it is and are often happy to assist others through the process. This is the basis of many organization such as Alcoholics Anonymous, a society of almost two million people who work together to overcome alcohol addiction.
In a similar vein, ask yourself if there are any incompatible connections you need to release. Do you have a circle of cynical friends who complain incessantly, encouraging you to adopt an equally disempowering attitude? Do you enjoy smoke breaks with your co-workers, making it harder for you to quit? Is your roommate a complete slob, preventing you from being more organized? It’s important to recognize that the ongoing influence of your social circle will often be the deciding factor when it comes to habit change.
Make a habit of intentionally reaching out and connecting with others. Break the limiting pattern of trying to do everything solo. Join a club or attend social events just for the experience of connecting with new people and expanding your social network. This habit will benefit you in ways you can scarcely imagine, filling your life with empowering friends you’d never have met otherwise.
* Source: Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina