When we want to reach out and develop new relationships, we need to remember that everyone else is already connected to us. We’re all individual cells in the same body, and the notion that we’re all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. Technically we don’t have to build relationships with other people from scratch. We need only tune in to the fundamental connection that’s already there.
The reason this mind-set is so effective is that when you assume a preexisting connection, people tend to pick up on your openness and respond in kind. Apparently, the best way to break the ice with someone is to assume there never was any ice to begin with. This is especially true of those who are very conscious and self-aware. Such people naturally respond to friendly overtures from like-minded individuals, and hurtful rejections are rare. If you approach someone from a mind-set of oneness and are rejected harshly, it’s a safe bet the other person isn’t aligned with this principle and would therefore be incompatible with you anyway. The nice thing about oneness is that it naturally attracts other who feel the same and filters out those who don’t. The more you resonate with oneness, the more oneness-oriented relationships you’ll attract, thereby further reinforcing your experience.
Social conditioning teaches you to focus on the risk of rejection when approaching someone you’ve never met. Oneness teaches you to focus on the opportunities for connection. A rejection is a sign of incompatibility, so it can’t really be considered a bad outcome. On the other hand, once a positive connection is made, there’s the possibility that both people will be utterly transformed for the better. This can hardly be considered a risk; rather, it’s the kind of bet that’s worth making repeatedly.
In addition to initiating new connections, be open to receiving advances from others. When someone makes an overture, respond with empathy and kindness. Be inviting and friendly. If you realize the connection isn’t right for you, let the other person down easily. When you find it necessary to turn people down, be careful not to disempower them. Be honest but gentle. On the other hand, if you sense a compatible connection off the bat, lower your shields, allow your feelings to guide you, and let the relationship develop as it may.
Many committed relationships succumb to cheating or divorce because one or both partners end up feeling disconnected for too long. They allow themselves to connect with their primary relationship partner but not with anyone else. Such misguided loyalty becomes a controlling trap that knocks people out of alignment with oneness. This creates strong cravings for more genuine connections, forcing people either to settle for isolation or to seek new intimacy outside the primary relationship. A belief that such connections are wrong makes the problem worse, causing people to lie about their affairs, thus creating even more distance from oneness.
When you’re in a close relationship, respect the fact that your partner isn’t your property. Don’t cling to other people so tightly that you cut them off from being able to connect with anyone but you. In order to maximize your opportunities for conscious growth, you must be open to forming new connections with a variety of people, especially when you’re in a committed relationship.
Social conditioning tends to fail us in this area. We’re encouraged to find and marry a single partner, focusing our deepest levels of physical and emotional intimacy on only one person. However, simple observation tells us that relationships of this nature usually fail, ending in separation, divorce, or estrangement. Even when the legal marriage doesn’t terminate and cohabitation continues, the bond often stagnates and fails to satisfy either person’s long-term emotional needs.
Committed relationships require placing a high value on your partner’s overall well-being. This includes honoring the need to connect with other people, sometimes casually and other times more intimately. If your primary relationship prevents you from connecting deeply with others, you have a cage, not a conscious partnership.
* Source: Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina