I (Brendon Burchard) was one of those people. As a young man, I was the one drowning. When I was nineteen, I had become despondent and suicidal after a breakup with the first woman I ever loved. It was a very dark time. Ironically, what pulled me through the emotional wreckage at that point of my life was a car accident. My friend was driving when we flipped off the highway going about eighty-five miles per hour. We both ended up bloody and terrified but alive. The incident changed my life, giving me what I call “mortality motivation.”
I’ve written about my accident in my previous books, so I’ll just share what I learned: Life is precious beyond words, and when you get a second chance—and every morning, every decision, can be that second chance—take a moment to define who you really are and what you really want. I realized I didn’t want to take my life; I wanted to live. My heart had been broken, yes, but I still wanted to love. I felt I was given a second chance, so I wanted to make it matter, to make a difference. Live. Love. Matter. That became my mantra. That’s when I decided to change. That’s when I started looking for answers to live a more charged, connected, and contributing life.
I did the things you would expect: I read all the self-help books. I took psychology classes. I listened to the motivational audio programs. I went to the personal development seminars, and I followed the formula they all espoused: I worked hard. I was passionate. I focused on my strengths. I practiced. I stuck to it. I was grateful on the journey.
And you know what? It worked.
The advice changed my life. Over a period of years, I ended up with a good job, a good girlfriend, a good set of friends, and a decent place to live. I had much to be grateful for.
But then, even while practicing all that basic good advice. I plateaued. For six or seven years, life didn’t really advance that much for me. It was maddening. There’s something frustrating about working hard, being passionate and grateful, and still not advancing, still not feeling it. There’s also something depleting about it all: excelling sometimes but feeling exhausted too often; having grit and getting paid but not feeling rewarded; being motivated but not creating real momentum; engaging with others but not really connecting; adding value but not making a dent. That’s not a vision of the life we desire.
Slowing, I realized that I’d had some success, though I couldn’t say why. I wasn’t as disciplined as I wanted to be, I was far from world-class, and I wasn’t contributing at the level I desired, either. I wanted an exacting plan for what I needed to do every day, and in every new situation, so I could learn faster, contribute better, and yes, also enjoy the journey more.
I realized that the problem with the old formula for success–work hard; be passionate; focus on your strengths; practice a lot; stick to it; be grateful—is that so much of it is geared toward individual results and initial success. These things get you in the game and keep you in the game. But what happens after you’ve gotten those first wins? What happens after you have earned those grades, found some passion, gotten that job or started that dream, developed some expertise, saved some money, fallen in love, built some momentum? What helps when you want to become world-class, to lead, to create lasting impact beyond yourself? How can you generate the confidence you need to reach the next level of success? How can you joyfully sustain success over the long term? How can you inspire and empower others to do the same?
Answering such questions became my personal obsession and, ultimately, my profession.
* Source: High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard