Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
James Allen
High performers are clear on their intentions for themselves, their social world, their skills, and their service to others. I (Brendon Burchard) call these areas self, social, skills, and service, or the Future Four.
Social
High performers also have clear intentions about how they want to treat other people. They have high situational awareness and social intelligence, which help them succeed and lead. In every situation that matters, they know who they want to be and how they want to interact with others.
If this sounds like common sense, let’s find out whether it’s common practice in your life:
- Before you went into your last meeting, did you think about how you wanted to interact with each person in the meeting?
- Before your last phone call, did you think about the tone you would choose to use with the other person?
- On your last night out with your partner or friends, did you set an intention for the energy you wanted to create?
- When you were dealing with that last conflict, did you think about your values and how you wanted to come across to the other person when you talked to them?
- Do you actively think about how to be a better listener, how to generate positive emotions with others, how you can be a good role model?
Questions of this kind may help you look within and gauge your level of intention.
I’ve found that high performers also regularly ask themselves a few primary questions right before interacting with people. They ask questions like these:
- How can I be a good person or leader in this upcoming situation?
- What will the other person(s) need?
- What kind of mood and tone do I want to set?
Here are more interesting finds. When asked to choose words that describe their best interactions with others, high performers most often responded with words such as thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, open, honest, empathetic, loving, caring, kind, present, and fair. When asked to choose three words that best define how they would like to be treated by others, high performers most valued being respected and appreciated.
The issue of respect, specifically, comes up a lot in conversations with high performers. They want to be respected and they want to demonstrate respect with others. And this matters to them in all areas of their life, including at home. A field study of two hundred couples in the United States who were married forty years or longer—and still reported being happy—found that the couple’s number one value and strength was respect. The four worst behaviors that lead to divorce—criticalness, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—often feel so offensive precisely because they smack of devaluing or disrespect.
What is apparent across all high performers is that they anticipate positive social interactions and they strive consciously and consistently to create them.
It’s a universal finding. When it comes to their interactions with others, they don’t just go on autopilot. They’re intentional, and that improves their performance.
In looking to the future, it’s clear they’ve thought about the big picture of their social life, too. They’ve thought about how they want to be remembered—they think about their character and legacy. High performers are looking out there, beyond today, beyond the meeting, beyond the month’s to-dos and obligations. They’re consistently wondering, “How do I want those I love and serve to remember me?”
Try this activity:
a. Write down each person’s name in your immediate family and team.
b. Imagine that in twenty years each person is describing why they love and respect you. If each person could say just three words to summarize the interactions they had with you in life, what would you want those three words to be?
c. Next time you’re with each of those people, approach your time with them as an opportunity to demonstrate those three qualities. Have those words as the goal and start living into those qualities. Challenge yourself to be that person now. This will bring life back into your relationships.
It’s almost impossible just to “go through the motions” when you have clear and compelling intentions.
* Source: High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard