Communication is the means through which we express love. The root of the word communicate means “common,” and it’s natural to think that when we communicate with someone, we look for something we have in common. Identifying commonalities is essentially how we form new connections.
You communicate effectively by first connecting with the familiar and then branching out into the unfamiliar. When you meet someone new, the first step is to discover your shared interests, values, and attitudes. This creates a basic bond of trust and friendship. The next step is to explore and learn from your differences. People who are too different from you are difficult to bond with, and those who are too similar can’t teach you very much. The best relationships provide enough common ground to form a strong bond while also stimulating growth in new directions.
The richest form of communication is basic face-to-face conversation. This allows you to pick up not only content but also vocal expressions and body language. You’ll usually experience much deeper connections with people when you communicate in person instead of by phone or e-mail.
Good communication skills take time to develop. The more you practice, the better you’ll get. While there are specific techniques you can learn such as smiling, maintaining an open posture, and making eye contact, don’t forget that the primary purpose of communication is to create a connection with the other person. Even when you have a specific agenda in mind like persuasion, education, or entertainment, your first step is to establish a bond. Great orators, teachers, and entertainers strive to break the ice and connect with their audiences first; only after this has been achieved do they go into their main material.
Genuine communication requires mutual understanding rooted in love and trust; otherwise, you can’t effectively share truth with others. It isn’t enough to speak your mind and assume other people understand and accept what you’re saying, nor is it enough to listen well and assume you understand what’s been said. To communicate well, there must be some bond of caring between speaker and listener.
There are few greater joys in life than the experience of conscious communication with another person. No ego games, false fronts, or manipulative tactics are employed. Both individuals simply want to connect with each other for the purpose of learning and growing. Once you’ve experienced such open, loving communication with another human being, it’s hard to settle for anything less.
* Source: Personal Development for Smart People by Steve Pavlina