Nonessentialists say yes because of feelings of social awkwardness and pressure. They say yes automatically, without thinking, often in pursuit of the rush one gets from having pleased someone. But Essentialists know that after the rush comes the pang of regret. They know they will soon feel bullied and resentful–both at the other person and at themselves. Eventually they will wake up to the unpleasant reality that something more important must now be sacrificed to accommodate this new commitment. Of course, the point is not to say no to all requests. The point is to say no to the nonessentials so we can say yes to the things that really matter. It is to say no–frequently and gracefully–to everything but what is truly vital.
Nonessentialist
- Avoids saying no to avoid feeling social awkwardness and pressure
- Says yes to everything
Essentialist
- Dares to say no firmly, resolutely, and gracefully
- Says yes only to the things that really matter
How do we learn to say no gracefully?
- Separate the decision from the relationship
- Saying “No” gracefully doesn’t have to mean using the word No
- Focus on the trade-off
- Remind yourself that everyone is selling something
- Make your peace with the fact that saying “No” often requires trading popularity for respect
- Remember that a clear “No” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal “Yes”
* Source: Essentialism by Greg McKeown