5.7 Pay more attention to whether the decision-making system is fair than whether you get your way.
An organization is a community with a set of shared values and goals. Its morale and smooth functioning should always take precedence over your need to be right—and besides, you could be wrong. When the decision-making system is consistently well-managed and based on objective criteria, the idea meritocracy is more important than the happiness of any one of its members—even if that member is you.
5.6 Recognize that everyone has the right and responsibility to try to make sense of important things.
There will come a point in all processes thinking things through when you are faced with the choice of requiring the person who sees things differently from you to slowly work things through until you see things the same way, or going along with the other person, even though their thinking still doesn’t seem to make sense. I recommend the first path when you are disagreeing about something important and the latter when it’s unimportant. I understand that the first path can be awkward because the person you are speaking to can get impatient. To neutralize that I suggest you simply say, “Let’s agree that I am a dumb shit but I still need to make sense of this, so let’s move slowly to make sure that happens.”
One should always feel free to ask questions, while remembering one’s obligation to remain open-minded in the discussions that follow. Record your argument so that if you can’t get in sync or make sense of things, you can send it out so others can decide. And of course, remember that you are operating in an idea meritocracy—be mindful of your own believability.
Working oneself through disagreements can be time-consuming, so you can imaging how an idea meritocracy—where disagreement is not just tolerated but encouraged—could become dysfunctional if it’s not managed well. Imagine how inefficient it would be if a teacher ran a large class by asking each of the students individually what they thought, and then debated with all of them, instead of conveying their own views first and taking questions later.
People who want to disagree must keep this in mind and follow the tools and protocols for disagreeing well.
a. Know when to stop debating and move on to agreeing about what should be done.
I have seen people who agree on the major issues waste hours arguing over details. It’s more important to do big things well than to do the small things perfectly. But when people disagree on the importance of debating something, it probably should be debated. Operating otherwise would essentially give someone (typically the boss) a de facto veto.
Our brains work like computers: They input data and process it in accordance with their wiring and programming. Any opinion you have is made up of these two things: the data and your processing or reasoning. When someone says, “I believe X”, ask them: What data are you looking at? What reasoning are you using to draw your conclusion?
Dealing with raw opinions will get you and everyone else confused; understanding where they come from will help you to get to the truth.
a. If you ask someone a question, they will probably give you an answer, so think through to whom you should address your questions.
I regularly see people ask totally uninformed and nonbelievable people questions and get answers that they believe. This is often worse than having no answers at all. Don’t make that mistake. You need to think through who the right people are. If you’re in doubt about someone’s believability, find out.
The same is true for you: If someone asks you a question, think first whether you’re the right person to answer it. If you’re not believable, you probably shouldn’t have an opinion about what they’re asking, let alone share it.
5.3 Think about whether you are playing the role of a teacher, a student, or a peer and whether you should be teaching, asking questions, and debating.
Too often people flail in their disagreements because they either don’t know or don’t think about how they should engage effectively; they just blurt out whatever they think and argue. While everyone has the right and obligation to make sense of everything, basic rules for engagement should be followed. Those rules and how you should follow them depend on your relative believabilities. For example, it would not be effective for the person who knows less to tell the person who knows more how something should be done. It’s important to get the balance between your assertiveness and your open-mindedness right, based on your relative levels of understands of the subject.
Think about whether the person you’re disagreeing with is more or less believable than you. If you are less believable, you are more of a student and should be more open-minded, primarily asking questions in order to understand the logic of the person who probably knows more. If you’re more believable, your role is more of a teacher, primarily conveying your understanding and answering questions. And if you are approximate peers, you should have a thoughtful exchange as equals. When there is a disagreement about who is more believable, be reasonable and work it through. In cases when you can’t do this alone effectively, seek out the help of an agreed-upon third party.
5.2 Find the most believable people possible who disagree with you and try to understand their reasoning.
Having open-minded conversations with believable people who disagree with you is the quickest way to get an education and to increase your probability of being right.
a. Think about people’s believability in order to assess the likelihood that their opinions are good.
While it pays to be open-minded, you also have to be discerning. Remember that the quality of the life you get will depend largely on the quality of the decisions that you make as you pursue your goals. The best way to make great decisions is to know how to triangulate with other, more knowledgeable people. So be discerning about whom you triangulate with and skilled in the way you do it.
The dilemma you face is trying to understand as accurately as you can what’s true in order to make decisions effectively while realizing many of the opinions you will hear won’t be worth much, including your own. Think about people’s believability, which is a function of their capabilities and their willingness to say what they think. Keep their track records in mind.
5.1 Recognize that having an effective idea meritocracy requires that you understand the merit of each person’s ideas.
Having a hierarchy of merit is not only consistent with an idea meritocracy but essential for it. It’s simply not possible for everyone to debate everything all the time and still get their work done. Treating all people equally is more likely to lead away from truth than toward it. But at the same time, all views should be considered in an open-minded way, though placed in the proper context of the experiences and track records of the people expressing them.
Imagine if a group of us were getting a lesson in how to play baseball from Babe Ruth, and someone who’d never played the game kept interrupting him to debate how to swing the bat. Would it be helpful or harmful to the group’s progress to ignore their different track records and experience? Of course it would be harmful and plain silly to treat their points of view equally, because they have different levels of believability. The most productive approach would be to allow Ruth to give his instructions uninterrupted and then take some time afterward to answer questions. But because I am pretty extreme in believing that it is important to obtain understanding rather than accepting doctrine at face value, I would encourage the new batter not to accept what Ruth has to say as right just because he was the greatest slugger of all time. If I were that new batter, I wouldn’t stop questioning Ruth until I was confident I had found the truth.
4.7 If you find you can’t reconcile major differences—especially in values—consider whether the relationship is worth preserving.
There are all kinds of different people in the world, many of whom value different kinds of things. If you find you can’t get in sync with someone on shared values, you should consider whether that person is worth keeping in your life. A lack of common values will lead to a lot of pain and other harmful consequences and may ultimately drive you apart. It might be better to head all that off as soon as you see it coming.
